The Seer

copy right Jannie Helle

Look into part of Chapter 1 (book not finshed)


The Seers eyes were clear blue as minute crystals, which swim around in nothingness and through flows of light. They held me down. We sat under almond trees cover and spoke together in 4 hours, while the sense of time disappeared. Crowns of trees bloomed white and formed a wreath around the field of vision, which focused the man in front of me.
  It was as if an invisible energy flowed from his being into me. The hair was curly and gray, the beard well. There was an amazing ever verve in him, which played on the green massifs around the small village where the farmer at æslet was still alive made by the contrast to the tourism kortege car that crossed into accumulate.
  At the time of writing, I look at vindus frame in front of writing table, where there is a triangular budda in gold. It is from Thailand, and it was given to me from my neighbour on the plane on the way down to the Seer, who lived in Andalusia.
  It was precisely in Thailand, I dreamed about that I should travel down to him. It was important,  the dream said but why?
-- I do not know, I feel trembling about it, said Calle Montsegur, as the Seer is called,, when I telephoned him.
-- But I think you should come here so I will ensure a home up in the mountains of Sierra Nevada. There is the most beautiful white town in a half kilometers into account there, we can take up to the mountain and meeting the oracle.
  Who does not want to meet a pundit?

Of course we all meetings in one sense oracles in everyday life, because everything around us possess a knowledge we can pick, if attention and interest in it is large enough, but this pundit was something special. That I knew from previous kontak with the Seer, where he lived in an apartment in St.Kongens street in Copenhagen and embraced on a stage in life when everything seems black and hopeless

. He teard illusions on my life from each other, cards and cash. If you are a mouthpiece of the universe, there is no room for unnecessary talk. So værs here you are: What you left, is a blue funk. The foundation of your life does not hold. In fact, it does not exist .... you can avoid the pain - but for how long?. ..

Many people have gone through phases in life when everything falls apart. Where they lose lovers, children, work, health, friends, or anything that gives their lives content. And many are busy with a tell those phrases that, in the face of adversity to become a strong, when you stand alone meetings Monday itself ...when one door closes to open a second, etc., but what can you actually use it for when you are in the middle in dispair?
  Often I get the feeling that the seeminglu wellment comments are an expression of distance. Distance from the pain and distance to non-meaning. A reservations to go into now with the person who lives in the crisis at the moment.
  It can be an aid to get to know the situation, but in the internal chaos is  the scream: Be with me now! Help me to accept the fate that feels unbearable this day - this time, in this breath. Chaos. Think of how much strength it takes to surrender to chaos. And where is the surrender of the person who comes with all the good advice? Arg - who knows what is best for the people who are suffering,: but what is the best? To focus on moving forward, or dare to be just where we are?
  It is difficult, but sometimes necessary, to help people to give up, and mark the community when the robs burst, while driving in the river of destiny - flows are inexorable. We tested. We tested all the time in our capacity to surrender. In our belief that God will give us that good.

  In such a chaos, I met Calle, and he ran me through the turbulence, life would live at the time. He helped me to let go even though I had very strong reluctance to surrender myself to a reality that made incredible evil, and he got together the will to move forward.
  There was opened doors that I thought would always remain closed, and the fate went new roads. This is why I took the dream seriously and was ready to to travel to Spain and listen to oraklet at the top of a mountain, then sleep indicated that it was time to leave.

  The first day we had however decided to spend alone in Al Hambre, which I informed the viewer over the phone.
-- Hm, let me see if there is something for you there. Did he.
-- Just a moment.
  It was quiet in the pipe, while he went into the ruins of the past Moorish city. For a second time grandeur, where a response appeared to be ready to manifest itself.
-- Yes, there is a female form, which will in contact with you, he said.
  -- In one corner of the pool in front of Government.
-- I will try to find, I said.
-- Well see you.

Calles existence is masculine consciousness. Sharp, cards and cash there is no unnecessary beating about the bush. A conversation with him can be completed before it feels to be really begun. Only the need to be said. Yet softness suddenly breaks through, when he brands that something is really difficult for others. So it is as if the care is almost overwhelming for him.
  Inside every man lives a woman. She may be vulnerable and this, or distant and remote, but she is there. His anima. The godess in one of its many forms. The female character, whose forces can be intimidating and cumbersome to have to do for a man - and for many women who have not dared to open up for themselves.

In the time before we went, I had fantasies about what the female form was an expression of, if it was there. It was fascinating that a presence that may have been from another time or another room had announced that it would contact me. Could it be one of the Moorish sultans harems woman that would fret over his fate or apparent mysterious female tricks. Or was it a non bodyly wise woman, who still worked 800 after his physical demise. A slave woman who was deprived of her children, or .....?

                                              *
Cows in front of the entrance to Al Hambre was amazing thin when we arrived there at lunchtime. The other guests in the white city was told that it was difficult to enter, and we had to be run there early in the morning to get access to the paradise gardens, but luck was with us.
  The day was blessed with sunshine and early spring scents. There was overwhelming beautiful. The water rislede in fontænerne, citrontræerne flourished, and beauty were cared for by careful  gardeners. It was so full saturable that an almost panisk tanks listed themselves: "What if there is no more? If this is the culmination of life to sit here, what then?
  It was a challenge to appreciate now. A reminder to forget the next moment and drop the need for comparisons. Sorrow, longing and pain are difficult conditions to hold, but the joy can be just as demanding, because when it occurs, the temptation to stick:
"Right now it is wonderful, my senses are saturated, I am happy and full. Let the product - let the product, "The presence smoke into the stream of thoughts of what is to come, a intensity of the experience wane.

  We sat on benches and many other places too, although the idea of the mysterious female form was to create seduction of the moment. It appeared that there were many tanks in the Al Hambra, and it was not immediately easy to find the building, which had been for the government, especially because we had not been equipped us with a Guide.
-- There is what is meant to reply, said my husband as a comment to impatience.
-- Let's go in and see Comares tower. It must be sultanenas castle.. Let be to think about what we have to find another place - in a second time.
Finally we managed to find the government palace in Al Hambre, which proved to be a great sight. For the same reason was speciic times was written on the tickets, which gave access within an hour, and a slight Spanish inspector told us that the time, unfortunately, had been exceeded.
  It was difficult to be so close and yet be denied access. The depth of disappointment must have been clear to read, for the inspectors trait mildnedes, and showed a man who liked to have children on the lap and play cards in the square when there was time to list out in siestaen.
-- Just nip in, he mumlede. I got the urge to give him a hug, but uniformeringen created distance, so hug came out in a shy "thank you".
  In a splitselund we had been in mutual understanding. We had two lives that had never known hianden, which most likely would never get to it, but in a touch of presence there was contact. A precious moment.

The palace was magnificent. I do not know much about Arabic architecture, but it was overwhelming to see how highly developed the Moorish culture had been. The place was like a symphony combination of colors, light and patterns. It was not wallpaper or paint. The decortion itself were verses from the Koran sirligt formed by the synthesis of small mosaics. Through the open bows could look into the gardens and water. It was fascinating creative.
 
When we came out in the central courtyard, I was aware that it was the right pool, we had found. It was long with clear turkist water, which continuously run through a fountain.
  Why it was the right thing is hard to say. I can best describe it as intuition, "knowing in front"mor perhaps recognition of something, the idea does not understand. However occurred the next problem, the viewer had said that awaited a form in one corner of the pool. But a pool has 4 corners?.

Steffan pointed up in the right corner from the entrance, where there were 2 chairs in the shade.
-- There are two vacant chairs der.Det must be what we have to sit in the corner. It appears that the courts are waiting on us ..
  The body felt a resistance that can best be described as restless discomfort. Some withdrew from the opposite end, where there was more light and somehow more pleasant to be.
-- Hm, I said. I do not trink so. I like it better at the other end. There is sun.
  He took me difficult, but in the same moment came 2 Japanese and sat in chairs in the shade. At the same time, raised two other visitors from the chair behind the pillar in the sun corner.
-- It was a good sign, said my husband.
-- Let us sit there and meditate.

So, we set down on the vacant chairs. There was an impatience to see this woman who had expressed the desire for a meeting, so it was hard to relax. Fantasierne on her where running through the head. Japanese, Spanish and English votes summede around us with water plasken in the pool.

Steffan closed eyes and slid quickly in another state. It inspired me to even to sink into the meditation, while the performances of what I expected to see fell away. In a way, gave me to believe that there would be a female form. When I had found the spot, it appeared the occult to think of, someone should show up just in the middle of the flow of tourists. The reality was urgently required.
  Ahead of us was a Moorish palace in all its beauty, men and women who sugede the wonder to themselves, a guard, who was admitted to hunt a lost hungry cat out there. The fact that something else would want to have contact here was hard to believe. I decided just to relax and fell slowly into silence. The sun warmed the body. 
The rhythm of the brath was deeper and calmer. Awareness moved into a limitless emptiness. The sound flowed along with breathing, and the mind fell to calm down.

After some time, there was suddenly an elf like figure with big wings in nothingness. There was a small female being. She looked like a large butterfly, whose body was short as a slender young woman. She was fine and had a small dress, but she was not a human being like us. She heard more in a fairy tale as Tommeliden. She did not use words, but flew around with the big wings, which seemed to be made of silver trieds.. She was very nice, but it was a surprise that it was this presence, which was a female form.
  More butterfly people turned up. They were  four - maybe five elf like creatures to move around me with calm wing movements. It was surprising. I had to control myself not to jump out of the state and shout to my husband: Now you listen here ...!

 
   I slid deeper into the meditation, and the wings flickering was calmer. Slowly, they started to change form. They were larger, more duvende and began to get brown and purple colors. The small, fine kvindekroppe disappeared, and there were now only butterfly wingws to move as a veil, which was svung with great dignity and calmness. I discovered an essential femininity in shape and the undulating motion.

  There was nothing to be achieved, nothing to be performed, it was like a dance of bows and rundinger, which was danced by the deep vingeslag in the universe. I experienced a phenomenon of the female mystery, and it was fascinating. It drew me into something soft and calm, and with every cell in my body I could understand that this really was a feminine presence. I saw the butterfly as a symbol of spirituality and femininity. It was like a blast of deep calm.

                                            *

My fascination with the female universe began with the publication of the book "Get Free Woman." It is about women who denies the feminine forces and live in a idealisering of the masculine. My unscious wrote the book based on insights into myself, who had not yet acknowledged. I could see women in the outside world on the run away from themselves, women who lived out of touch with their bodies. Women who performed a life, but which had lost the ability to be themselves. And women who tried to live as men in female bodies.
  Today, I can see how much the book was about myself. It came up as a cry from the deeper being. It was like a lifeline to the female essence, written out of pain at the loss of the nature, I am born in.
   Perhaps the responses to the negative from many women, because it was rendering in me, wrote. Maybe Iput down the women, I tried to summon up. The first six weeks after the book was published, there was angry responsesin the newspaper every day. Feministerne felt I bombed them 30 years ago. How should I explain how much I wanted to get them driven? I would liberate the female forces and call on the life giving energy, which is made up of the Self.

  The women who understood it, was silent. They would not enter the wiz kedle, was the explanation. I felt myself the victim and sank down in self-pity. Afterwards, I am thinking that it is as if the female nature associated with bringing the victims, because victims takes her deeper into feminiteten. There is pain, but she is reinforced by the pain, at least when she does not forfeit it.
  I spoke to a woman the other day who had suffered a painful loss and saw an ocean of grief, which by then she had been able to just touching. She found it frightening to think that she one day could be one with the endless sea of feeling, but she knew that she soon had to wade in the stream.
  I sense femininity as the ocean. Not that women should live in sorrow or pain to live their sex, but it is the access and containment of these emotional states, which opens up to the strength, which gives them the power to live life from the depths of the soul.
   There is not a recipe to reach into femininity. Women do not need to be disabled in several years that I was in my process, and they do not need a certain degree of pain to get to where they are one with their femininitet. Femininity is not a competition, which can be measured or weighed to be authentic. But is it with the ability to privacy in its essence of being. 

  I do not know why the body and psyken have had through so many challenges for my part, it is part of the mystery, I set myself to explore, without being aware of what it would entail. Have we said A, one must also say B. A was symbolised by the release of "Get Free Woman", for the unconscious will have the opportunity to express themselves clearly in words, then running the train. There are called on the essential nature, and there is nothing to do when its force takes over.
  The old ego trying to build dikes, but the effect of them are as small sandbags to a 30 metre high tsunami. We can only let go and let Selvets forces rampage. As long as you do not, drag the process out. It draws long and painful. It feels like a divine will, which will all that is beyond oneself.
                                         
                                              *
The day after our visit to the Alhambre, we had an agreement with the Seer from Andalusia. He had invited us down to a restaurant in the small village of Bubion, from which we could see beyond the Sierra Nevadas massifs. That is how we ended up taking beynd the almond trees, which formed a ceiling fowes over us. It was Easter and exactly warm enough to sit outside, which was a lise after a long winter slumren in the rooms.
  Calle and my husband had paella and wine. I tried to sink a few bits of an omelette, as the viewer had visualised gasblue to help me to eat it. The energy that had enabled me to explore Mother Jords force, amused themselves with stopping the ability to synkning. Drinking two litres of water a day had been a very big task. That would eat up to the challenge virtually impossible.

-- Nåeh Jannie Helle, he said, and looked at me with eyes that would not let go. The universe was a place, and the white flowers formed almost a tunnel around us. The focus was so concentrated that I almost could not move me. It was as if there were forces in this situation, which is not tolerated inattention and which would certainly be stronger than my will be able to control.
-- Listen now! Do not compromise! Do not compromise on femininity. It is femininity, is about the time we are about to engage in. The dignity. It should be the end of so much control of men. And women must understand that your children are creatures that have come here with a story. I can not take responsibility for everything that is happening in their lives. They have chosen it. But you can take the responsibility to live yourself as a woman!
    It was as if he were a knife around in the stomach. My children's pain is felt unbearable to live with. When the family went under in the chaos, and the divorce was a reality, it was the idea of children's welfare that inhibited me to let go of the marriage much earlier than I did. I thought that their best was a family who stood together and would hinanden.Derfor I was blind.
  I turned a blind eye to failure and degradation. It was a victim, but a victim who does not serve any good, because the extended pinene unnecessary for all. The children experienced the pain to see mother herself humble, I let it happen, and their father was lost in no boundaries. All this prompted by misguided respect and compromise with my self-esteem.
  I was unfaithful to the dignity of women. And still, I was not strong enough to stand up against my current husband's will, when we disagreed on what is the children's best. Offer the role withdrew too strong.

- It is YOU, it is about now. You must understand the power of female strength and give your knowledge on. You can not afford to waste any more time. The message must get out now!
   I tried to understand, but his words spun in an emptiness that did not allow thoughts, in a susceptibility that is not reasonable, but let the message sink in to other levels.
  It was felt as though a subtle recognition was started in me. There was a Sensing of the words in the body and in følelseslegemet.Han was in the process of transferring something to me that made sense .. It was as if that were beaten up in a bread awareness, but it had not yet closed and was not ready to be baked, but it was in there and simrede. I came to think of that Richard Moss, who was my teacher in the United States, had chosen the discovery of femininity as part of my project Self, when I was through his mentor program.
-- Yes, I sighed and felt sure how shooting would take me to be a woman. I was aware that my old perceptions of the female does not hang together with the insight, the viewer tried to pass. That it was not the way I looked at, or something I could plan to be that it was essential. Something else had begun to turn. It was unpredictable and in motion, and not be reconciled with my previous way of handling life on.

-- You must stand firm! We must have femininity forward now. The masculine power structure is too dominant. The feminine values is not strong enough developed, either in women or men, even-yet - to balance the destruction, as the need for power and dominance causes. There has to come a collective influence of the female sex, and it requires that women discover their true power.
-- The masculine thinking find it difficult to understand what it is, when we talk about the body's reality.
---I have tried to tell the psychiatrists, I know that they can not control things the way they try - for the reactions of people who come in the imbalance, starting in the body, in its Sensing and følelsesfelt, and then affected tankemønstrene. There will be something before it, they try to deal with, but they will not listen.
-- They think they are holding the show stones, but their view is too limited. The female universe feel these things in a different way, which is very valuable. I must believe in yourself as women!

It was fun to hear these words from a man, but I was aware of the fact that not only was a man, they came from. The words were like an echo, as a pulsing of wisdom and will. They represented a knowledge which would manifest itself from another dimension, and the phrases repeated itself many times during the afternoon, while Steffan and Calle cheered in the local Spanish red wine.

-- I will always stand behind you Jannie Helle, said viewer, as the interview was over.
It was a great voice that is speaking. It was almost frightening to sense the force that was in it.

  I was aware that I knew Calle Montsegur as more than the man who had helped me through difficult times.
-- We know each other from previous lives? I asked him.
-- I have not been touched and look at it, he answered. It is not necessary to know everything.

.. to be continued